Friday, October 30, 2009

Birthdays and Passing Time

So today I turn 42. People get so freaked out by aging. It seems unreal to me that I am 42 years old. In my mind, in my inside I am no age at all, all ages at once.

When I think of my age, I see an accomplishment, something to be proud of, to be celebrated. Think of all those who didn't make it to see my age, all the life not lived, the feelings not felt, the things undone. I may not be have lived every moment of my life to the fullest, but I glad to have the chance to make every day count.

That having been said, it is crazy to suddenly see myself as my parents once were. All these people I have known since they were children are suddenly looking like and sounding like those parents I remember from when we were growing up. Activities, hobbies, ailments, and celebrations are those from my youth only now we are the ones with wine in our hands.

And yet, when we gather, the years fall from our faces and I can still see those footloose and fancy free children we once were. I see the kindergartener who was once my delight and torment (why wouldn't you take turns?). I see old crushes, old rivals, old joys, old hurts and they are mellowed and rounded by age, softened with the distance of time. Best friends and giggling summer evenings are still so present when we gather.

I feel lucky to have made it to 42, life is too precious to be taken for granted or to be disdained. I will celebrate every moment of my years and look forward to many more. I will celebrate every moment I have with those that I love, cherish every second I have to be in their lives.

Thursday, October 29, 2009


I'm conflicted, I'll admit it. This blogging thing is intriguing and frightening all at the same time. It is easy to see it as a journal, but only if you intend to let friends and strangers read your journal. A journal with the loss of privacy- does that defeat the purpose, or simply change the meaning?

What do I have to say that is interesting enough for folks to read? What makes me think I have something that needs to be or should be shared? Do I want the matters in my mind, both trivial and profound to find their way into the blogosphere? Hmmm... much to think on.

In the meantime, I am going to go easy on myself and see this as a place to catch people up to date in a way the Facebook just doesn't do. Why shouldn't I let little pieces of me out in the world for others to see/hear? If I find my friends' blogs interesting, why shouldn't others feel the same about my efforts?

Lately I have been doing quite a bit of thinking about life and where it has brought me and where I am going. Guess it is just that phase of life and I am looking for a place to put my thoughts down.

Maybe I am taking this too seriously and I will find my entries focused on the day-to-day, the mundane, the normal stuff that happens to us all. We shall see.....

Tentative First steps

OK, So I am new at this. Not sure it is for me, but feel called to give it a try. Guess I am looking for an outlet for all the "stuff" running through my head and my life. Give me time, bear with me as I find my blogger's instinct.