Monday, June 28, 2010

Dumb Glands

So, here is the latest and seemingly final word on my adventures in hypothyroidism.

Last week, Drew and I went to see my surgeon to get the results of the follow-up ultrasound I had a few weeks back. The news isn't great. Poor guy, he was so careful in the delivery I have a vague idea that it might be worse than told....

So, in short the thought is that I should have not half the thyroid removed, but the entire thyroid removed. Why? Well, that nodule on the right side of my thyroid, the one they did the inconclusive needle biopsy on turns out to have indications of follicular cancer. Crap.

Why the whole thyroid and not just the right side?? Well, to begin with, I am not a fan of half removal with a return trip when/if they find cancer. Thanks very much but if I am already sedated and have re-arranged my life for a week I would prefer to just have it done and over with. Also, I am just not a big fan of carrying a potential time bomb around in my neck. Course, it didn't feel too great when the surgeon who had suggested lobe removal was now just fine with taking the whole thing out- turns out there are small nodules on the left side that indicate follicular cancer too.

So there it is, bald and to the point. Indicators are that this could be cancerous and to be safe it should be removed. I won't know until it is out what the verdict is. Super awesome and fantastic news..... I have to wait until next year.

Why next year??? Well, health care being what it is today, we would be financially better off to wait until January to have this done so that when we meet our deductible threshold any follow-up care will be covered at 100% instead of 20%.

So, in the meantime, I will have another ultrasound in October and if all is well, I will go until 2011 until the surgery is scheduled.

Sorry to be so lacking in sensitivity when delivering this, but I admit to being pretty freaked out and pissed off. I mean, thyroid cancer is the one to get if you get one (yeah I might have won the cancer lottery), and there is still an 80% chance that this is nothing, but at the end of the day I have to be sedated and have my thyroid removed.

Next post will talk about my ongoing struggle to get my meds regulated so that I don't feel hot and miserable every time I leave the air conditioning and will make the screaming nasty voice in my head be quiet.

God help me, but I am beginning to understand why my mother drank. If she felt like this half the time, it makes perfect sense that she drank to make the voices be quiet.

Don't freak- I'm a bitchy fighter and I will be fine. In the meantime, send a positive thought to the Universe for me and for my little family cause we are all hurting.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


I have these blog posts running around in my head. Several topics have presented themselves and I have been cogitating on them at odd times. Of course never when I have an extended time in front of the computer.

For those times I have gotten in front of the computer this weekend I am either in a hurry or surrounded by what I call "static." Neither are condusive to writing on my blog.

What is static you ask? Well it takes several forms, all quite familiar to mommies everywhere. Here is a brief, but not complete list:

1. Connor. As a parent of a child can tell you, children are capable of putting out a signal-jamming amount of static that the government should be researching for use in warfare. Who needs to electronically stop radio transmissions, just assign a child to each radio wave and let them work their magic. Connor is capable of near constant discussion on a variety of subject both weighty and flighty. All designed to render me incapable of stringing coherent thought that is not directly related to responding to his impossible. Connor is (as all children are) the ultimate static.

2. The ongoing to do list. This is a good one for parents, homeowners, and job-holders alike. In my head there is a running list of chores, errands, bills, projects, and goals that can raise a cacophony in my head the likes of which is impossible to get beyond. I am telling you that a 100 member brass band could not do more to make thought difficult.

3. Obligations- we all have them. Work, church, home, neighborhood, school, family- the list goes on and on. Just thinking of all that needs to be done, all that needs to be watched or handled is enough to render me a drooling mess.

4. Fantasy life- come on, you know this one. This is the static that drags you down while you think of winning the lottery, taking a dream vacation (or any vacation), retiring with no worries, health, wealth, and well being. Sigh...... I could get bogged down here for a long time, how about you.

Static is a constant in life. Don't we all need a break now and then? How do we get it? Where do we find it? How much do we need that break?

In the meantime..... these blog posts are still wandering around in my head, waiting for a moment to make it to the blog- my static reducing indulgence.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Holy Places

Summer has come to my church. After many months of teaching and dedicated attendance, the Summer stretches before me with no obligations at church. It is a feeling I am still adjusting to, after 7 years of membership.

We first signed the membership book at First U in October of 2003. Our first year of attendance was intense, we took classes, we volunteered for a committee, and we generally immersed ourselves in our new church home. Shortly after we joined, we were pregnant with our second son (just seven months after the death of our first son, Liam). To say it was an intense year is putting it lightly.

Then came June. We had never been to a church that so definitively "closed" for the summer. Oh, services happened, but there was only one, and they were arranged differently. That June, at our first Flower Communion Service (how moving a service), our then Associate Minister exhorted us to go out from the church to "find our holy places" and return restored for the Fall. It was a revelation to say the least.

We took her at her word and left to have our Summer. The most holy space we found came in July, when our second son arrived, healthy and hale. His first baptism were the tears we all shed (delivering doctor included) over his screams of indignation at being forced from his nice warm nest inside mommy. July and August sped by in a blur of happiness, sleeplessness, and confusion.

When September came and Ingathering was upon us, we joyfully re-entered the church as three instead of two. We even had our family portrait taken for his baby book, to commemorate the moment he became a part of this amazing community. We had him dedicated shortly after that.

Since then, we have never really gotten out of the habit of going out in the Summer and "looking for our holy places." June - August has become a time of lazy Sunday mornings, occasional brunches, and family time. I miss my church family, but there is a freedom in each Sunday morning knowing that I have nobody to worry about but my little family.

So, tomorrow is the Flower Communion, and I find that I will be missing one of the services I like the best. Instead of rushing off to services, we will be gathering ourselves to head for my mother-in-law's house to help get her gardens set for the summer. Dirt, flowers, sunshine and family- one of those holy places I look for.

This year, I will get to church a few times before Ingathering in September. Seriously, I will. I promise I won't look up to find that it is August and we haven't been there since May. I will find my holy places, and I will visit my church home and soak in the peace I find there as well. In the meantime, lazy mornings, pancakes, and family are calling.

Go out and find your holy places- dig your toes in the sand, lift your face to the sun, close your eyes and let the sounds wash over you... enjoy Summer.