Friday, December 31, 2010

Goodbye 2010

December 31, 2010, last day of another old year. Every year I find myself in the same place, making so many of the same promises. Some I keep longer than others, rare is the promise that lasts through the next year.

I used to be pretty tough on myself about giving up, letting promises slide. Then I decided that it was ridiculous to make pie-in-the-sky promises, only to feel like a failure by February.

Nowadays I split my resolutions into groups. There are those promises that should be easy to keep- read more, weigh less, be more active. There are those promises that are harder to keep- be more organized, be kinder to myself, take better care of myself. Easy or hard, this is the time of year for promises made to yourself. The rest of the year is for keeping them.

So for this last night I will think of my promises and hope that I will be able to keep at least a few of them. Tomorrow will be the day that I have to start working on keeping them. Yep, that's the hard part.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Winter Solstice

Tonight is the longest night of the year, in a year that has been full of long nights for me. I feel like I have drifted through this year, half-asleep, half in a nightmare of poor health and unhappiness. Not the face I have shown most people, but the face I have seen when I look in the mirror.

This night I find myself contemplating the significance of a Winter Solstice, with a full moon and a total lunar eclipse. How can such a convergence be without impact? Can you not meditate on what it means when the longest night of the year becomes even darker, when the moon goes into total eclipse?

I guess I see this as a coming through a final darkness before I can shed this year of uncertainty and fear. I am tired of thinking about my health, wondering about my health, fighting with my health. I am tired of battling through. With my thyroid surgery behind me, I am looking forward to sitting through this final long night of 2010, before I can begin to see the days lengthening again. Perhaps my health and mental well being will follow, growing, lightening, and energizing as the days grow.

So, on this Winter Solstice, this longest night of the year, when the moon will be in our shadow, let me wait in the dark, contemplating the light. Let my tired, sick self be left behind in 2010 to be replaced with renewed health and energy for 2011. Let the lunar eclipse take away those things that wore me out this year. Let the dawn find me renewed and re-energized for the new year. Let my health restore as the moon will restore.

Let 2010 fade into my past, and 2011 bring happier things.