Thursday, April 5, 2012

Light and Dark on April 5th.

Today was really good and really rough. Nine years ago today my first son died at 2 days old. He was born with brittle bone disease, we had no idea of it until he was born and I didn't get to even hold him until after he died. The worst thing a mother can go through, ever. As hard as it was, as hard as it still is, time has healed us and while it can still hollow us out and make us cry, we seem him as a great gift.

We have a beautiful, happy, healthy 7 1/2 year old son. The day he was born, everyone in the delivery room cried there eyes out, including our doctor. He is the light of my days, and the peace in my nights. I tell him all the time that I am simply the luckiest mommy, because I was born to be his mommy and it is true.

Today, we told him that we had Liam, that he has an older brother, and that he died. Now we start the journey with our son as he explores what that means to him and how he incorporates that into his life. We never meant it to be a secret, but the time was never right to talk about it until now. I think it was a good choice, he is already asking good questions and seems thoughtful but not devastated.

So tonight, we will pick some branches from the redbud tree we planted in Liam's memory on the first anniversary of his death and put them in the center of the table as we eat dinner.

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