Fresh Process

I am trying very hard this year to rewire my brain and adjust my thinking. Been too long listening to the crazy voice in my head that rants and raves and breaks me down. I felt like I was doing a pretty good job and then today I said the wrong thing (unintentional and taken the wrong way) at the wrong time. I apologized and I am pretty sure we left things in a decent place, but I felt like damage had been done that was hard to undo. Of course that nasty voice in my head took advantage and I rehashed it in my head the rest of the day.

Tonight, for the first time, I sat and filled a page with all the things I want to let go of, all the things I wanted to affirm, and all the things I wanted to change. Sometimes it was sentences, sometimes scrawled words in random order. When I was done, I placed my hands on the page and thought of all I had written, the emotion on the page, and the pain in my heart. Then, I took the page, ripped it deliberately into very small pieces and threw it in the fireplace. Curiously, the last recognizable word to burn away was FEAR.

It was amazingly uplifting to do this. I felt empowered and more in control of this stuff than I have in a very long time. I think I'll be doing this more often. Let FEAR be banished to the fire. I don't need it any more.